From the day I was conceived I had a very strong Christian woman praying for my future. There is no doubt in my mind I would not be where I am today if it were not for my grandmother’s influence, support and prayers.

The Seed Being Planted

My grandmother was the only source of spirituality and stability. From the day I was born she would teach me of God and what Jesus did to save us from our sins. She was always singing hymns, reading her Bible and bringing my sister and I to church. Her faith was clear, straightforward and strong in both word and action despite her own hard and difficult life. I, to my shame was a big source of stress and difficulty for her as I continually took advantage of her trust, hospitality and giving nature for my own personal selfishness.

When I was 10 years old I was with my Aunt, celebrating Canada Day. We were driving back to my grandmother’s house and I asked my Aunt what hell was like and she told me like it was. I imagined myself there and began to cry uncontrollably, understanding that I was going there. I cried the entire way back, about 20 minutes, I just couldn’t stop. When we got back my grandmother asked what was wrong and I told her I don’t want to go to hell. She asked me some questions about what I understood and then walked me through a prayer.

I believed all of it but even after that day there was no real change in my life. Nothing was different.

“You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!”
James 2:19

I wish that I could say that my life has been a picture of Christian virtue and morality since then but that is simply not the case. As I said, I grew up in a pretty insecure home. I grew up with influences of addiction, adultery, verbal and emotional abuse and unstable living conditions while we moved around from place to place like a family of gypsies. I was continually uprooted and replanted, never giving me an opportunity to grow. I grew up believing that I was never going to amount to much, so I came to the conclusion that there is no point in trying, which translated into laziness, carelessness and selfishness which infiltrated my relationships and professional life.

Wavering Faith

I was never strong in faith but I began to waver in high school when trust was betrayed by people I thought were my friends, which happened at the same time as some very difficult and trying times at home. I wasn’t strong enough to endure, nor did I understand how these things could happen. I became bitter and angry at God and vowed to myself I would never allow anything like that to happen to me again. I put up the walls of protection around myself and kept people at arms length, while beginning to, little by little, shut out God.

Falling Away and Path of Destruction

I went to college and all the things for which I thought I missed out on in high school, I dove into with open arms. I became addicted to the party life, I wanted to experience it all and I did.

After I graduated college my life went into such a downward spiral that it makes my head spin at just how swift it all happened. With increased drinking, drug use and sexual activity, within a span of 4 years I left a trail of destruction that it is only by the grace of God that I managed to survive at all. Moving from job to job and place to place, taking advantage of friends and family, burning bridges and destroying trust and lives of those I never intended to hurt, of which, even to this day, I feel the effects of.

Through all of this, even though I fought against Him at every turn, God was there, always there, through circumstances, people who were brought into my life and my grandmother, who despite how she was mistreated and used, never gave up on me. There was no escape, everything I did, everywhere I went, I was reminded of God and being called to come to Him. The very few times I did go to church was as if the messages were for me alone, they were so personal and cut right through to the deepest parts of my heart, tears were uncontrollable, still though, I resisted. At one point, I called out to God and told Him to, “LEAVE ME ALONE!” After that, for a while, He did just that. It was at that point I did the worst thing I have ever done, this was the first wake up call. I was miserable because the thing that was front and foremost on my mind was the knowledge that what I was doing, what I had done was wrong. I wanted to stop, my heart ached to stop and turn back but the pull of my selfish desires and fear was so strong and I was so weak. I never did tell anyone my internal struggle, all they saw were my actions, which were terrible. They never knew the inner struggle which plagued my every thought.

Surrender

It wasn’t for 5 years, 2000 to 2005, that I finally came to the end. I knew I couldn’t continue down this path as I was faced with a crucial decision which would set the course of the rest of my life. I was heading for life on the streets and that’s no exaggeration. That’s when I finally reached out to God, who was continually reaching out to me. I didn’t know what to do so I called out in a verbal prayer to God while walking the streets, “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it, I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what it is! Just tell me what to do and I will do it!” It was at that moment my grandmother was brought to my mind with the overwhelming desire to tell her everything about my struggle, so I did. That phone call changed my life forever.

“He sought me and bought me with His redeeming love.”

That day, I truly called out and gave my life to Jesus Christ.

Leaving my old life I left my home town on the East Coast of Canada to visit with my Uncle who is a Pastor in a small town in Midwestern USA. While there I decided to stay, was baptized not long after, met and married a girl in his church and immigrated to the US in the early 2000s and became a citizen in 2022. I now have 4 children who have all come to know the Lord. The Christian life has brought many trials while I continue, even to this day, struggle with temptations of my old life and it’s not always easy but I know and firmly believe that with God’s mercy, grace and strength every day, even though I go through seasons of failure, I will prevail.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV

“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Romans 10:13 KJV

“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
Romans 10:9-10 KJV

_{All scripture taken from BibleGateway.com.}